I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
