I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
God, I missed his penis.
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