i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
