i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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