I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
sarcasm needs its own font
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
