I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
