If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
