Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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