I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need water and some morals
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
