this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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