her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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