it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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