Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize