the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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