Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
