two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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