The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
