1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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