Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize