I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
