just tell him i said nine months
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
this boner is exhausting
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
