All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
