matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
