She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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