I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
