I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
