my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
