i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
