Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
