dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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