my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
