sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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