So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
