I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize