Walk of Shame. In a state park.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
