I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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