I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
