If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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