hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
