perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
