No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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