I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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