Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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