her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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