look no pants
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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