My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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