It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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