I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
