Cold hands, warm shart.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
