She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
wanna go halves on a baby?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
