That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
