I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
