So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize