Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
