I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
