my phone needs a breathalizer
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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