How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
