I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
