yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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