a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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