just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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