I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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