If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
