my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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