Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
