the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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