i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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