My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
