well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
