the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
