We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
