then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
