Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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