Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
