I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
