I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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