You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
